Breaking News: Trader Spots "Unicorn Trade" in the Wild

Wall Street was abuzz today after amateur trader Carla Winslow claimed to have witnessed a rare and elusive "unicorn trade" during her pre-market scan. The mythical creature, long considered the holy grail of stock trading, is said to promise untold riches but is believed by most experts to exist only in legend.

"It was majestic," Carla recounted. "There it stood, glimmering on my screen: a penny stock with no earnings, no real business model, but a chart that looked like a rainbow shooting straight to the moon. I knew I had to catch it."

Like any brave unicorn hunter, Carla went all in. She bought shares of GlitterTech Biopharma, a company whose only product is "revolutionary glitter-based medicine." The stock, initially soaring 400%, quickly disappeared into the forest of bad news when reports surfaced that their flagship product, SparkleSpray for Migraines, caused glowing rashes.

Carla's portfolio was trampled in the stampede, but she remains undeterred. "It was worth it just to see the unicorn," she said, wiping away tears. "You don’t get rich chasing rabbits."

Financial experts remind traders that real wealth comes from long-term investments, not mythical creatures. Meanwhile, the SEC is investigating related reports of a very large pot of gold peddled by a small green man at the end of a rainbow behind the New York Stock Exchange.