Fed Chairman Embraces Full Transparency at Shirtless FOMC Press Conference

In a stunning display of full transparency, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell ditched his tie—and his shirt—at today’s Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) press conference. Powell, who has faced mounting pressure to be more forthright about interest rate decisions, decided to “strip away all ambiguity—literally.”

“We’ve heard the public loud and clear: no more guessing games,” Powell declared, his bare chest glistening under the conference room lights. “Gone are the days of reading into my tie colors. The only signals you’ll see now are direct and unclothed.”

Market analysts scrambled to interpret Powell’s bold fashion statement. “Powell’s lack of a shirt suggests the Fed is staying neutral, but the sheen of his chest implies inflationary heat,” noted one economist. Others speculated that his visible abs hinted at "core strength" in the economy, while a slight sunburn was viewed as a hawkish nod to rising rates.

Markets also seemed impressed. The Dow surged 300 points, while gym memberships for economists reportedly hit a record high. Powell wrapped up his remarks by flexing his biceps and assuring the nation that “the Fed is pumped to tackle inflation.”